fallen star: sequel to shadow
by mistygirl
Summary: Caitlin is seventeen and having trouble coping with some issues (chapter 3 now up0
1. Default Chapter

Fallen Star  
  
* * * * * * * * * Caitlin lay on her bed listening to rain drops on the roof. Dori then came up into her room and knocked softy. 'Hi' she says 'how are you?' her voice is shrill not At All like her normal voice. Caitlin gave her a funny look. 'I m fine why do you ask' Dori's face Suddenly turned serious. 'You were sick before weren't you' Caitlin felt her pulse racing 'um I wasn't feeling real well its nothing.' 'Caitlin' Dori said a pained look on her face. 'if there s something you want to tell me you can you know that's what where here for.' Caitlin felt the anger rising how dare she. Great you know Dori she l flip out. 'Look' Caitlin snapped 'nothings wrong with me so can you leave me alone please' She purposely let the tiredness creep into her voice when she emprises please. She held her breath as Dori left and only after she heard her footsteps become more distant she let out her breath. Dori was getting a little too close. Yes, Caitlin had purposely thrown up. But it somehow got rid of that feeling of worthlessness that was creeping up inside her. She d only had been doing it for the last three weeks. But why did I have to do it. She questioned herself. Because it's the only way that I m going to get though to people. a voice reminded her. A voice that was haunting her and it frightened her.  
  
* * * * * * * When Caitlin arrived at Eric's party the place was already crowded with people She nodded at Griffin 'catch you later huh' She made her way though the crowd Taylor stepped in her way 'well look who it is' she said leering her friends snicked 'And what's with the outfit huh trying to impress the guys' Caitlin bristled 'yeah nice skirt did you get it at tarts r us.' She pushed past Taylor before she could think of another retort. Oh god why is every one staring at me is it because I m fat and ugly No! Caitlin tried to correct herself yes it is none of these people want you around You should have stayed where you belong if you ever belonged anywhere at all Caitlin's mind was in a daze 'Eric caught her arm 'hey Caitlin are you okay you don't look so good.' He was looking at her worriedly. 'yeah ill be fine thanks' Caitlin said Wrenching her arm free of his grip. A feeling of dread spread over her She strode Into the kitchen where it was empty. Her eyes swept over the knives that lay near the sink what else can I do there's no other way. She yanked the knife out. Her breathing quickened as she held the knife to her wrist and pressed down harder and harder until she really felt the pain. It was funny focusing on that pain it made everything seam not real. Caitlin opened her eyes and saw a narrow slit along her wrist blood covering it. She took the knife away and carefully washed it under the sink. Then snatching up a tea towel and wrapping it around her wrist. Now she was feeling even worse it was like she was someone else. something not real. why the hell did I do that am I crazy. Caitlin wondered her mind in a panic and suddenly she felt more alone than she ever had in her entire life. 


	2. voilets are blue

Shadow Violets are blue.  
  
Caitlin lay in bed trying to get to sleep. 'Mom what am I going to do I m not who I used to be anymore.' She wondered out loud. So far Dori or Jim hadn't realised what she'd done and she'd intended to keep it that way. They'd be so disappointed with her thinking shed over come her worries. I m far from it a voice reminded her. Deep down Caitlin had knew she'd never really gotten over the death of her mother or what her father had done. Maybe ill never get over it. Caitlin then did something she rarely allowed herself to do. She cried herself to sleep.  
  
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The next month passed in a daze. Caitlin was furious at herself that she couldn't control her life prop ley. So she'd started to cut herself every so often but she always hid the marks carefully in case anyone picked up on it. But the scars were there as a reminder that she was a failure. That's right what would mum say to this she'd want you to be happy and now iv gone and wreaked every think. But things proved to get worse the cutting became more regular as time went by. Time passed for Caitlin quickly it was only three weeks later that she was beginning to frighten herself. You really have to tell someone you know its not going to get better. Face it you need help. Her heart was beating as she approached Griffin's room. "Griff are you in there" She called he wasn't. Iv really gotta find someone to tell now otherwise I m really gonna go crazy. Luckily for Caitlin he was down watching TV "Griffin" she called. He looked up "yeah what is it" "I need to talk to you" Caitlin began "and before Jim and Dori get home." Griffin gave her a funny look. 'Like you mean now.' Caitlin nodded. "But not here in your room maybe" Griffin stood up "alright ill meet you up there ill just take a shower." Caitlin's throat was too dry to answer so she gave him a quick nod and started up the stairs. She wondered how she was going to tell him this. Okay Caitlin relax girl. okay Griff I have to tell you something really serious I don't know if you've guessed but iv sorta been like hurting myself aren't I crazy. No! Not that you know at Eric's party well I was really pissed off at Taylor and well. "So what did you want to tell me" Griffin interrupted her thoughts. Caitlin jumped. Griffin sat on the bed next to her. "Well its really hard for me to say. Iv changed and Iv been doing things that's really well disappointing as your mum and dad would call it." Griffin laughed. "What'd you do that's so bad."? "I um its complicated" Caitlin stutted. "You what slept with a guy or something" Griffin joked Caitlin could feel the tension ease Slightly as she laughed half-heartedly. "No its nothing like that but its well Iv done something really bad to me sort of." Griffin stared at her not knowing where she was heading with this. "So can you guess what iv done" Caitlin said quietly not daring to look at him. Griffin shook his head. "Not really can you tell me" "Il.Il give you a clue" Caitlin stammered she slowly turned her wrists so they were facing upward towards him. Caitlin couldn't look at him she felt like her heart was going to burst though her chest. "You cut your wrist," he finally said. Caitlin could only nod. "Why didn't you tell us Caitlin" his voice was sympathetic. "I thought you'd be angry and I thought they would send me away." She was sobbing harder now. Griffin could feel his anger rise. Dori and Jim had practically bent over backwards to help her and she wasn't even grateful for all they had done. " I can't believe you Caitlin I really can't." But Caitlin's mind was on that day when it first had happened.  
  
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I remember the day when I was thirteen like it was over twenty years ago even though I m not quite that old yet it was the day my foster parents yelled at me I mean really yelled at me and from then on I was in their bad books I knocked over my foster dads trophy don't ask me what it was for and it broke of course. He told me Id ruined his Life. That no wonder no one wanted me. I went to my room and pictured my mom When we where together. How I felt so safe with her. How shed died and left me. My fists where so tight the nails cut into my palms and this morning I found little dried-up blood marks on my hands. But I was sort of pleased about that- im not sure why. I wanted to suffer, to feel the pain with her. It was like she'd passed he suffering to me. I don't know.  
  
  
  
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Griffin put a hand on her shoulder "come on let's go downstairs mum and dad are home." "Caitlin, Griff you here." Caitlin's head shot up. Griffin started to pull her towards the door. Caitlin stepped back "Wait Griff your not going to tell them anything are you" Griffin glanced down at the floor. "We have to Caitlin mum and dad would help you they wouldn't be angry they'd be really concerned" Griffin said his voice barley a whisper. Caitlin felt her anger rise "and that's worse I don't want them worried about me." Her voice lowered "can you promise not to tell them please I.. I just can't right now okay" Griffin let out a shaky breath "all right for not but I don't want you running off and cutting yourself or Ill forget the promise and tell mum and dad first thing." Dori appeared at the door "you two all right" Caitlin's tough mask returned "sure don't worry about us." Dori nodded "well were going to a dinner at six. So get ready." Griffin caught her eye as she left the room. Great I suppose everyone from school will be there. Caitlin thought bitterly. 


	3. true colours

I just want to say that in the later chapters its going to be romance But not just yet  
  
True colours  
  
What in the world was she doing here? Caitlin sat up in the car as they arrived. The dinner was an end of year party for the school sort of like a farewell for the students But the parents and teachers had come along as well. Oh great Caitlin groaned as she got out of the car she glanced down at her jeans and shoes it would be impossible to tell from looking at her that she had spent over half an hour getting ready she had put on mascara washed it off she then tried on four pairs of jeans before finally choosing something. She spotted Will in the backyard next to the pool she resisted the urge to run over and hug him. I miss you Will Caitlin said to herself without thinking. But it was true with Will out of the picture it was lonely. She walked toward him slowly "hi Will" she said forcing a smile. "Caitlin hey" he smiled "you actually came" "I couldn't miss it could I. "Caitlin said sarcastically. Will motioned toward the pool "im gonna jump in you coming in as well. Caitlin shook her head "I don't think so" she started back into the house. " see you around then." he called after her". She looked around Dori and Jim where laughing every one was having a good time except her. At this point in time she didn't care if she lived. Not really knowing why she made her way to the kitchen grabbed the knife up and sunk it deep into her wrist. Caitlin snatched up a paper towel. Everyone would see but so what. She went back outside. The pain nearly blinding her she screamed. I really don't want to die anymore her thoughts screamed back at her I really don't and every one was looking at her looks of utter shock. Dori gasped "Caitlin oh my goodness". Caitlin stumbled to the ground the next thing she knew people where lifting her up. she looked up into the worried faces of her friends and family. "Where am I going" she asked looking at Dori. "to the hospital" was Dori 's reply. * * * * * * 


End file.
